I’m a weak piece of shit.
I let everything get me down, and I wish things could go back to the way they used to be. I feel insanely alone. I stopped trusting absolutely everyone I know.
It’s probably better, but silly me, I still have to cry about it. I still have to cry about how much I hate being alive, I hate that I can’t be who I want, I hate how I judge myself all the time.
I miss myself. I miss happy me.
I miss my friends.
I miss you.
I wish I could fight for something.
I wish I was motivated.
And I don’t let anyone know how damaged I’ve become. No one knows anything, not even the people who think they do.
I’m so sorry Kimberly. I’m so sorry, honestly. I screw up everything. I haven’t let you feel a thing. I’m sorry I even cut off your psychologist just so no one has to hear what’s bothering your sweet little soul, and I’m sorry I never let you feel a thing anymore. Please stop crying, you know how much I hate it when you do. You know I hate it when you let your guard down, when you cry, when you pity yourself.
Everyone goes through that stage where they have that one friend who they absolutely hate but stays by there side no matter what. That friend who makes them feel like shit, claiming to have them with good intentions. That friend who you try to get rid of, but even when they start to fade away you don’t want to let go of them.
My friend is Ana.
My best friend is Ana.
I hate her, but I couldn’t live with out her.
I don’t see her as myself, I see her as a different person, screaming at my constantly. The more I try to mute her, the harder she makes me relapse.
Starve till you’re beautiful.
Starve till you’re dead.